Power Ideaz

 By Soumitra Chakraborty

History says that men have carried out their roles well enough to increase and maintain the number of members in their groups or clans. Hence they have been bigamous or polygamous according to the needs of the society. Their children learnt to live like adults by copying the actions of adults. Their personalities shaped up accordingly.

In the 21st century, the society has become much more complex and everyone plays multifarious roles with perfection. Here comes the need of perfect parenting. It’s the gardener who tends the buds in his garden to see them bloom into beautiful flowers with the perfect color, shape, size and fragrance. Fathers are such gardeners who tend their kids to grow up to be successful human beings. Fathers have a special role in the children’s lives. It is their active participation in the rearing of their children that helps to steer their kids to a better adjusted and successful life in the future. Here are some tips that every dad must know and practice to become a successful father.

1. Spend time with your children every day
Spend time with your children each and every day. Even when you are out of town on a business trip you need to pick up the phone and talk to them. When you talk to your children try not to ask them questions that are answered with “yes” and “no”. Instead, try asking them questions that require detailed answers. Whether it’s in the morning, before you head to work, or in the evening after your workday is over you must spend time with them. Doing something that they want to do is a great way of letting them know you care about what’s important to them. Reading them a book, or playing a board game together is good to start with.

2. Continue to remain attached
Your child is unique. If you have more than one child you understand how different each one of them is from the other. As they grow older they begin to develop different interest in the world around them. As a father we sometimes get so distracted by our own world that we overlook the detailed world of our children. Avoid this. If you start to move away from your child, being unaware of the small details of his/her world that is the beginning of a gap.

3. Communicate with care
Sometimes we fathers get too caught up in our own busy lives. We don’t pay enough attention to our kids when we talk to them. When you engage your children in a conversation try looking directly at your children when they respond back to you. Let them know that what they have to say is important. You can gain your children’s trust by listening to their problem and your guidance will be welcome to them. Be honest with your children; admit your mistakes and teach your children the importance of taking responsibility and making amends. When they see you acting on your own advice they will adhere to your wishes.

4. Tell your kids your story
A young child often feels the world began at his/her birth. Tell your story and that of your parents and your own family as it can be interesting to your child. By reflecting on your past, you provide your child with the intriguing sense of history and of past generations .You need not tell all the details of your history, but only those which leave your child with the feeling that you too were once a child and you grew up and became an involved father. All of your life experiences are only useful if your kids know that you are being open and honest with them. Make your life an open book.

5. Educate your kids through involvement
You are your child’s role model. Your kids are looking to you to learn how a responsible and mature adult acts. Do chores around the house with your children, make them feel good about helping you and teach them that men also share household duties. Encourage your children to think for themselves. Guide and help them with their decision making process and then stand back and watch them do it themselves. Do all of this while they are young and you can still make an impression on their minds. Don’t wait until they get older. Each day is a new opportunity to teach your child. Don’t let time rob you of the moment and don’t let someone else steal that privilege from you.

6. Give priority to parenting and use your time wisely
As a father your priority must go towards your child, before your job, other relations, or enjoyment. I know this is a bit tough to follow in a world with so many competing demands and attractions. To be a great father you must consciously plan and devote time to being with your children making it your top priority. Plan how you can weave your children into your social life and knit yourself into their lives. Instead of leaving them at home take them with you to the supermarket. Observe how they interact with you in different settings. Most fathers rarely experience the full potential range of emotions with their children because they seldom see them anywhere but at home or at an athletic event.

7. Reduce anger by understanding your own trigger points
Anger is very real and very normal. As a father if you are able to identify the cause of your anger triggered of by your children you will be able to extinguish the flames before you ignite. I know for example that one of my trigger points is when I feel out of control.
There are a number of things that I could do to prevent the chaos but none of them really solve the problem. The real problem is my expectation of the situation. I feel out of control and frustrated. Frustration turns to anger and anger to hurt feelings.
However, you can find ways to express your anger that doesn’t hurt, belittle, or insult your children. Anger in its destructive form can make a child’s misbehavior worse. If you control your reaction to something your child does, the behavior will stop sooner, won’t last as long, or be as severe. Children need to understand why you are upset.

8. New fathers should take time off for your new baby
If you are a first time or new father you should plan on taking time off from work before your new baby arrives. Your baby will only be a newborn for a month. Nearly anything can be put on hold for a couple of weeks. If the blessed event has already occurred and you haven’t already done so plan to take a week off from work to spend with your newborn child.

The best advice for new dads is to get your hands on your baby as soon as, and as often as, possible. Through the process of directly caring for your infant you will learn what your baby needs, how he or she communicates, and what comforting techniques work best. Do not leave this responsibility to the child’s mother. You are a dad now. Try to spend time alone with your baby. Create opportunities where you are the sole care giver. Invite your wife to spend time doing something with her friends or simply offer her some time alone. This will allow you and baby to get to know each other. It will also help you learn the “language” your baby uses to communicate his or her basic needs.

The bond you are developing with your child through your interactions, touch, and care giving is the foundation upon which your father-child relationship will be built. The time you spend with your baby now, will make you a more effective parent in the future.

9. Show respect for the mother
If you are living with your wife definitely show love and respect to your wife in front of your child. This is very important for the healthy development of the child.

10. Learn to hug, kiss and touch your children
As a father if you want to communicate love and acceptance to your kids so that they will know they are loved then you’ve got to be willing to pull them close and hug them. If you were never touched (in an appropriate, compassionate way) by your own father it may be difficult for you to touch your own children.

It gets even more difficult when, for example, our young daughters become adolescents. So, the best time to lay groundwork for good touch is from our child’s birth all the way through her childhood. We fathers should change diapers and clothes, burp, rock and tickle our babies and young children; there are thousands of opportunities to lovingly touch our children.

As your children grow, these activities can be as simple as starting a pillow fight; grooming the dog or building something together; lying side by side in a hammock to look at the stars; or taking dad-and-daughter dance lessons.

Our kids need our fatherly affection, no matter what their ages. Good touch is physical affection that:
• comforts them
• affirms them as a person
• supports them
• respects and is sensitive to their person and their boundaries
• is given with their permission
• is given freely, with nothing expected in exchange
• helps them feel strong, lovable and able to delight in themselves
• and, it is not sexual.

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 17th, 2008 at 4:35 am and is filed under Parenthood, Parenting, Relationship Development, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.